Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
