Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
