When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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