HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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