I feel like I'm in dance class right now
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
