I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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