so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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