I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
