her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
