im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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