I wish my penis had an off switch
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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