Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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