nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
