On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
