It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
