You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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