I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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