hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
