don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
