I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
