I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
