I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
