Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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