Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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