you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
