i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
