I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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