Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
