what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
