i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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