Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
