Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
