I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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