He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
