did you get engaged???
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
