She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
there is glitter all over my balls
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
