Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
