I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
