Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
