No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
