I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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