he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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