Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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