I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
