Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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