He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
