I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
