its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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