Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish I could teleport
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
