The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
